random thoughts

the lines blur in my head.. emotional ..physical.. how did it begin.. which came first.. can one exist to the exclusion of the other? life would be that much easier if the two were mutually exclusive :) how many of us can claim to be that evolved? then again.. how many of us who claim to be that evolved are telling the truth? what are they telling themselves or writing in their diaries when they get home... the thoughts running through their heads........
all i want is to live in the moment.. for the moment.. not think of 6.38 when its 6.37...
when? i dont know

a lesson i've learnt the hard way

don't listen to anyone who tells you to put other people's wants and needs before yours... they don't know what they're talking about. You are the single most important person in your life to the exclusion of everyone else... you know why? because if u are happy... only then are u even remotely capable of bringing love, trust and care to anyone else's life. its not about being selfish.. its about taking care of yourself...
i've made the mistake of allowing my self worth be coloured by what other's feel and think about me.. if they like me.. think im awesome company.. think i look good... then i feel im on top of the world.. and when i'm alone.. not the center of everyone's attention... i feel like crap...
not anymore...

It's a lesson well learnt.. the world can wait.

Pattu

Yesterday i lost one of the most important people in my life. Pattu was a person.. her mannerisms, expressions and eccentricities would leave you with no doubts at all. Highly individualistic- she knew what she wanted and when she wanted it. I have felt most rejected when Pattu refused to come to me when i called her. She probably remembered all the manhandling I did of her when she was a baby. She was there through every major life event .. a cousin's death, a niece's birth, board exams.. my sister's marriage. Not having her around after her constant presence for 12 years.... it's not going to be easy... my baby girl.. what'll i do? She lived a full life... full of love... children and her grandchildren... was looked up to and revered.. the other doggies knew she was not to be messed with.. except beanie... that tyrant bit Pattu.. :)
Everyone loved Pattu.. she was a part of the house.. so anyone who came home had to acknowledge her presence and authority.. and we wouldn't have it any other way. Pattu disliked small children for some reason... we figured it must have something to do with them being almost her height and therefore competiton :) Pattu had the most amazing eyes ever... so deep, loving and intense..
Basheer, our electrician, who apparently hated dogs... was another victim of Pattu's charms. She never bit anyone in her life... was intensely possessive of Mom... worshipped the ground she walked on and even till yesterday waited for her to come back home from college... she was waiting for Mom when i found her on the stairs and held her in my lap. She was just waiting for someone to hold her so she could sleep forever... peacefully... I'm glad I was there with you my baby... I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else... love you Pattu